Saturday, February 20, 2010

Maybe Buddhism is the way

Okay. Tiger Woods is very, very sorry. As a Mormo-Wiccan, I have to accept his sincerity.

But I also have to admire how he can fall back on his teachings in Buddhism. I mean, he just set the bar HIGH for being a tenth degree horn dog. Not one or two affairs. No, that can be confirmed.... 14 different affairs this year. WOW!.

And Buddhism makes it right. You see, the Mormo-Wiccan faith accepts and promotes plural relationships. That is nexus for the use of "Mormo" in our title. But it always comes with a price. You have to sober up and face the music on Monday. With Buddhism though, apparently one can have the indulgence and then just burn some incense and walk away. Excellent.

The only weak link I can see is divorce court. But I doubt he will be hurting too much even if she gets an even split.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Scientology vs. Fictionology

I have been asked to comment on this article.

First, I have to say that I feel like a man who has been asked to referee a fight between his two best friends.

On the Scientology side of the argument, they were first. In our society, we respect when someone has reached a spot first. For example, you have two tires in a parking spot and another car approaches and the driver honks the horn. Your car was already in the parking spot. You have "dibs" on the spot.

On the Fictionology side of the argument, if the race is not over and you pass someone then you finish ahead of them. Just because your fellow competitor had a headstart does not mean that you cannot pass them during the race.

On the Mormo-Wiccan perspective, ain't make-believe religion fun. I really respect Scientology because they secured Tom Cruise and John Travolta. I really respect Fictionology because they seem to take the same approach to make-believe religions that Mormo-Wiccans do.

And on that note, I leave you with these wonderful words of wisdom for the great Conway Twitty:

My one and only prayer is that some day you'll care.
My hopes, my dreams come true, my one and only you.
No one will ever know how much I love you so.
My only prayer will be someday you'll care for me.
But it's o-only make believe.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Deals with the Devil

There is a very mature and compassionate response to Pat Robertson's remarks on the tragedy at Haiti found here. Thanks to the pastor of my church for the link.

Now, as a Mormo-Wiccan I feel I must respond. This is purely a Mormo-Wiccan perspective and not the views of any other faith.

Do not blame Satan for the results of a deal you may have struck with him. "The Devil made me do it" may be a reason for children to take cookies without permission, but as adults we have to admit our complicity in our own deals. Satan does not just enter into a deal. He makes you take your time. Too many people reach out to in a moment of desperation. Realizing that this scenario could lead to bad publicity, Satan has a customer relations policy that would shame auto dealers.

The typical soul exchange scenario is more like a relationship. He has coffee with you. He gets to know you. Only once he truly understands your proposal will he begin the negotiation. He bluntly states what he will require as payment. Usually, it is your soul (standard terms apply). But quite often it is only your first born or the failure of your marriage. One popular for most of humanity is to be thought of as a villian or infamous tyrant. But again, he makes that clear in a blunt contract. One of his newer policies is that he makes you sleep on it. No customer is allowed to sign on the bloody line without first waiting an entire 24 hours before signing (or one episode if you are Jack Bauer).

So, when there is wailing and gnashing of teeth later, it is really buyer's remorse. But we want this clear - the Devil made the terms clear. You sold the Devil your soul and when payment is due, PAYMENT IS DUE.

I leave you with this informational diaglog that Satan paid to have placed in the great movie "Oh Brother, Where art thou?".

Ulysses Everett McGill: What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?
Tommy Johnson: Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh son, for that you sold your everlasting soul?
Tommy Johnson: Well, I wasn't usin' it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

George Carlin jokes

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve and a Full Moon

December 31, 2009. There is a full moon and I have weapons. Yet, I am predicting that should I shoot into the air at midnight the US Army will not respect my freedom to religious expression.

Our company motor sergeant told me of a new twist to an old saying. You may be familiar with "It takes 47 muscles to frown but only 11 to smile." Well, he added this twist - "It takes 47 muscles to frown, only 11 to smile, and only 4 to extend your arm and bitch slap someone."

That motto will probably serve me well as I finish this tour in Iraq.

Door to our chapel

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Our Door Sign

I will post a photograph later today of the door sign on my CHU. I cut and pasted the words below and hope that they appear as official in the post as they do on the door.

Temple of the Ecclesiastical Order
The Mormo-Wiccan Faith

Notice –
Serenity is our natural condition. Before you enter, please cleanse your aura.

You are stepping on holy ground. Before you enter, please remove your shoes.

A central tenant of our faith is that all are created in a divine image. Before you enter, please remove your clothing.

Worship Times –
Every Full Moon – 1800-0600hrs
Friday the 13th – 1800-0600hrs

We believe the highest respect should be given to all other religions.
Therefore, we take the day off on anybody else’s holy days too.
All services are BYOB.

Also, this is the CHU for 1LT Sidney Collins
1st Platoon 114th Military Police Company